Auto Dimming Rear View Mirrors Are A Portrait In Laziness
Written By Andrew Bernhardt

I spend a good deal of time documenting the afflictions of the “Laziest Generation,” being the current one. As a person who fits between the “Greatest Generation” and the one after that, I am appalled at the level of lumpiness in anybody younger than 30. They have no gumption, no resolve, no sense of sacrifice. And, they have all of the little bits of technology to foster their inactivity. When we’re all gone, I swear they’ll be completely adrift.

My favorite example of technology creating hapless lazy slobs is the auto-dimming rear view mirrors you find these days in newer vehicles. It used to be that if some liquored dope pulled in behind you with his high beams on, you had to just live with it, or go handle the problem yourself. Then came about this mirror style with a lever for deflecting the extra glare, which I was just now getting used to. Now this auto-dimming crap has surfaced, and the car just handles it for you. As if flipping a god damned lever is too much friggin’ work.

Think about it. Since there’s no need to climb out at the next light and straighten out the moron driving behind you, today’s generation is soft, avoids conflict, and apparently gets pushed around by the rest of the world like there’s no tomorrow. Now, since there’s no lever to flip either, their right elbows and forearms are that much more out of shape. Why, it seems the only exercise these cretins get is from their precious X-Box games, where they desperately try to fit in as an armed member of the Big Red One. And then, they act like it when they’re not in front of their tube stuffing down Pringles and Mountain Dew. The ground beneath Arlington must be in full rotation.

As if the auto dimming weren’t enough, these new-fangled mirrors also have a temperature readout and compass directions. Back in the old days, we actually knew our directions—we didn’t need anybody telling us what direction to go. And, if we wanted to know how hot it was, we put our forearms on the window of the Dodge for a few seconds. There are only three temperatures, as far as I’m concerned: Cold, Mild and Hot. That’s it, and that’s all you need. What’s next for these creeps and their lazy mirrors: a soda dispenser too? Maybe they can fit one onto their photo-grey sunglasses too, so that they don’t have to slip the big tinted insert over their regular glasses like I do.

I’m not a betting man, because it’s wrong, but if I were, I’d have absolutely no doubt that our country is going straight to hell. If they held lines on it in Vegas, I’d plunk down my change jar on the counter and taken the odds. How are these sad sacks going to fend off an invading force, or worse yet, raise a generation of kids more capable than theirs? Thank God I’ll probably pass before we ever have to count on the Laziest Generation